I have cried more tears that I care too

 I haven't heard from our oldest son in awhile. Last I knew he was back in jail again. Pisses me off so much that he chooses that life over the better life he could have had if he had just finished school. Then we have our second oldest grandson who is following in his uncle's footsteps. he quit school. He is drinking and using drugs and stealing, and he is in total denial. Right now he is in the hospital in the Phsyicaratic ward and we really hope they can keep him the whole 6 months he's suppose to be there. In fact he probably needs to be there much much longer. They used the fact he has an infection in his leg and his leg is swollen way beyond normal to get him in the hospital to begin with now just to keep him there. There is a court order for him to stay but he will wiggle out of it if he can. WORST part is he wants to come here to Florida and I can't have that knowing he steals. I don't need my neighbors to know this of my grandson and then find out he stole from them. I already have enough stress in my life I DONT NEED HIM TO MAKE IT WORSE. IF THERE IS A GOD I HOPE HE HEARS THIS ONE PRAYER KEEP HIM IN MN KEEP HIM IN THE PHSYIC WARD PLEASE DEAR GOD PLEASE

Loving living in Florida

 We are almost ready to be here 100% full time. We have one more summer to get to the things we really want to keep and sell the rest and then we are done. We have already sold the property in South Dakota. And we sold the house in Minnesota 3 years ago. Sometimes I miss being up north but it's mainly because our kids and grandkids are up there. I have had the dream again about the babies and I am pretty sure they are the ones I lost. I'm sure they are telling me mom we are ok. I cried this time in my sleep and woke up crying. I just miss not knowing these little ones. Today 10/16 is our boys birthday. Our oldest son Jack is now 47 and his brother Timothy is 43. Yeah both boys same day 4 years apart. Baby 1 that I lost was right after our oldest son he was about 1 1/2 yrs old. then I had our daughter and our youngest son and he was barely 6 months old when we lost baby 2. yeah we would have had little ones close together but we would have managed. But then again maybe God knew better. Either way I miss not know them. I hope they know that they would have been loved very much and they are actually loved very much now. Miss you children, boy or girl which ever you may have been. 

I think Ive gone crazy

 I had a strange dream last night where I went to visit a girlfriend from high school and see her new baby. Well first off she has no means of getting a baby (in other words never had sex) so I don't know how she would have a baby. Then her mom was there in the dream and her mom passed a while ago. Then as I am looking at her new baby she brings out another baby who is suppose to be 9 months older than the one I was holding. OK strange but I've heard of people getting pregnant right away again. Well then my mother in law came in and I said Hi mom and she didn't answer and I was like MOM but then I'm like wait she has passed as well. As I'm holding 2 little babies one 9 months old and one about a week old I'm seeing they kinda look purplish blue (ya know like dead) and I'm thinking ok so so far the only one's who are really alive in this dream are my girlfriend from school and me. and every one else has passed on. I changed both babies and noticed that neither one has any indications of whether or not they were boy or girl. It was then I realized these babies were the babies I lost. I don't know if they were letting me know they were ok or what considering I hadn't thought about them in years. her mom has passed my mother in law had passed and both were in the dream in some way or another. My mom is also gone as is my dad but they have been visiting me other nights. why these choose to visit me last night I do not know. But I know they were happy babies in the dream so I guess that means they are happy in the after life.  Which I had never before really believed in but guess now I kinda do. So to my 2 children that I lost and never got a chance to meet, I do love you and wish that we had gotten to be together. You have 2 brothers and a sister. and your father is an amazing man. We have been together now 47 years and are still crazy in love. and sure I do hope one day we will be together and I will finally know what sex you each were. but until then I love you and will see you in a few years down the road. (at least I hope I still have a few more years here on earth).

All this damn stuff

 I'm getting sick of all the stuff we have. And yes I know its my fault all my collections. But hubby has his too. But he's not as attached to  his collections as I am to mine so when he says sell it he isn't sitting there crying over it. He will take out 20 boxes I will go through them and by the time I'm done I don't want to see another box but here he comes with another 20 boxes. It's gotta be done he says yeah I know that but shit give me a break once in awhile. Every day now I have a headache and every day now my back hurts. As much as I love S.D. I can't wait for this to be done and go home to Fl. 

Happy Birthday to me

 Yesterday was my birthday and I'm now 67 years old. Yup that's right 67! I don't lie about my age I see no reason to. The thing is so many people will say to me NO WAY are you 67. well yes I am. I have grandchildren who keep me young. In fact our daughter brought out her youngest son to stay with us the rest of the summer here in South Dakota.

Speaking of South Dakota....This is our last summer here too. We have sold the land and  are in the process of selling all items we have collected over the years.  

The bad part of this is not seeing the grandkids as often. They can come to Florida to see us (if they or their parents can afford to buy the airplane ticket.)We live close enough to the Gulf of Mexico that they could go to the beach every day if they wanted to. Our kids are invited as well, but everyone has to remember we live in a 2 bedroom 2 bath house and there isn't much room to put a bunch of people unless they wanna sleep on the floor.

I would really wish our oldest granddaughter Kelley would come see us or at least get in touch with us and let us know she is ok. We miss her and Love her very much. We know her dad is a screw up and that hurts us as much as it hurts her. we are very disappointed in him as I'm sure she is. He is a very smart guy who got into drugs and well then everything went to hell. I know he blames me. And I know I probably am partly to blame. But his dad and I did our best to make sure he had a roof over his head, clothes on his back and food in his stomach. I can't help what happened to him in school cause I couldn't be right there with him to protect him. But as soon as I found out I fought for him. and as for his brother being born on his birthday I can't plan that either it just happened. We thought he would be proud of that, instead he was jealous. Don't know why we made sure they both got the same amount of attention on their birthday.  Kelley or Kay Jay Dee which ever name you go by if you see this please call gma & gpa. We love you kell-bell.

It's spring almost time to travel again- Happy Easter

 Well things have been nuts with Corona virus, things getting shut down things getting partly opened again getting shut down then opened all the way. Then came the shots....2 shots. Well we weren't gonna do it. But then we wanted to go back to South Dakota and go through more stuff but mainly to empty out the storage shed so we could save $300.00 every 6 months. BUT a lot of the Hotels and Motels as well as some of the other places want proof that you've had your shots. Which means get the shots or don't go. But then that also causes a problem. We need the lawn mowed and can NOT afford to pay the city $200.00 each time they mow it. UGH. SO we have gotten the first shot. And On the 13th I get my second and hubby gets his second one on the 13th. and then we will have a card to show at places that want proof that we have had our vaccinations. I so hope we can get stuff done and maybe sell the land so we can just stay here in FL and enjoy ourselves to the fullest. And this weekend is already Easter. Happy Easter every one.

Part 2

 Our granddaughter was brought to us just before we were gonna take off for Florida the first time. This friend of our granddaughter's mother came to us with our granddaughter and said can you take her please? Her mom is using drugs and there is no food in the house. She said the last thing our granddaughter ate was a 5 lb bag of sugar. she had only 1 shoe and no other clothes. Well of course we would take her in. So in the course of the next few weeks we found help in getting her clothes and making sure she had a bed and her own bedroom. This friend brought some of our granddaughter's things but no clothes. But they were things she wanted. well time went by and her mom stopped by one day with some strange guys that no one seems to know. and she went into her daughter's bed room laid down on the bed and went to sleep. WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING? Well I am upset and our granddaughter goes mom took her pills and went to sleep. SO we had to get the guys to come in our house and get her out of the house. We said she couldnt come back as long as she was still using. We had our granddaughter all summer and her mom didnt call her once to check on her to see if she was ok. Soon it was time for school to start so I had to call our granddaughter's mom and see what she wanted to do. Well she didn't have a house to even bright her daughter home so could she start school there? So again we did what we could to get clothes for her so she could go to school. Now all this time our granddaughter seemed to be happier than we had seen her in a very long time and she wasn't taking any meds like her mom had her on. and she was making friends in school. Well things probably would have been great but our son her dad moved in something we didnt approve of but thought it might help her get to know her dad a little bit. But then he started drinking heavily and then smoking pot that things went to hell fast. Soon our granddaughter's mom was here and she took her back home. We couldnt keep her even though we were the best choice. But we had to get our son out and that turned out easier said than done. We had to fight with him for 6 months or better just trying to get him out. AND oh yes we called the police trying to get them to help us but because he wasnt hurting anyone they wouldnt help us one damn bit. SO the day our granddaughter left her was the last day we ever seen or heard from her. I just pray some day she realizes that we struggled with her dad as well  and it wasn't our fault. And we love her beyond words and would love for her to come visit us in Florida. 

this grandma (gma) and Grandpa (gpa) Part1

 When I became a grandma at a very young age of 40 something, at first I was angry, our daughter so young. And then she married the baby's dad and whew we figured maybe just maybe things would work out. But they didn't. They moved into their own apartment and next thing you know they were split up and we had the baby. OH and we had our first grandson.  Our daughter talked of him going into a foster home and I said NO. I would care for him as long as he needed us. Well little did we know that from age 1 to 23 we had that baby. Change anything? HELL NO. He was a joy for us. Smart too. at 3 he was talking like a little adult and understood most everything. We asked him one time what responsibility meant. and he told us and he was 100 % correct and we had never talked to him about what it meant. At first we tried leaving him with his mom while we went out to South Dakota or up to a family reunion. But our daughter would always call us crying because he was making himself sick crying because he wanted to go with us. No matter how hard we tried to explain he couldn't come with we usually ended up taking him with just so he would stop crying. One time we were in the living room chatting about an upcoming trip out to South Dakota the next weekend. When all of a sudden I asked where is he? Well he soon came down the hallway bump bumping his way into the living room with a suitcase behind him. We asked him where he was going and he said South Dakota with gpa and gma. We laughed said we weren't going he started to cry because we had said that once before then left with out him (only to come back to get him) and his mom said what do you have packed. Well she opened up the suitcase and that kid had every single thing he needed for a weekend away from home. Even socks and underwear. No toys or blankets just the clothes he would need to be away for 3 days. Well that suitcase stayed packed till the day we left and yes of course he went with. SO many many memories. All the Monopoly games I played all the card games. All the pumpkins I carved. all the sneaking in and pulling out the tooth and leaving money, so I can hear the excitement in the morning Gma the tooth fairy came! All the dying of eggs and then playing Easter Bunny. And the best 2 of all Halloween and Christmas. And teaching him about Thanksgiving and no July 4th isn't just gma's birthday we also celebrate our countries birthday. All one of the biggest thing this gma did for 4 of her grandchildren. she taught them to use the Toilet. And since they were all 4 boys it was not an easy task. But I'd do anything for all 8 of my grandchildren if I could. our daughter's 4 boys we see quite often. Our youngest son's 3 kids we see once in awhile. Our oldest son's daughter we don't ever see now. Haven't since she left us. But that's part 2 of this post.

Little man is no longer little. And Daughter's wedding.

this is Little man Logan. His birthday is tomorrow he will be 14. This picture is already a year old. It was taken at his mom's wedding. Yes that is me. I'm getting old. But all of my grandson's are now taller than me. 

This is T.J. he is Logan's oldest brother. He is the one we raise. Look at him WOW. 

This is Jeremy he is one just before Logan. Only one missing is Aaron he wouldn't come to his mom's wedding. 

Jeremy walked me down the aisle to my seat. Look how tall he is at 18.

And me and hubby.

Our daughter.

the new family. He gained 4 boys.